Family & Relations...
In this group you can discuss different issues, problems or may be good part in family and relationship. You can share tips for healthly relationship. You can also share stuffs like, how to be a good mom or dad, etc.
My Thoughts on Dad
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My Dad turned 75 years old yesterday. I have wished of giving him something special on his great milestone but due to financial constraint, I ended giving him a simple cake. I didn’t want to spoil thd night by handinv him over the letter I wrote for him. It was short and simple but it was out of pure love. At 75, he doezn’t really look like one and probably he doesn’t feel like one, too since he is still actively teaching in different universities and still doing research. He is a multi-awarded scientist which makes the whole family very proud of his achievements. I only regret that I have not become what I promised to be because of my untimely marriage. Am not sure if it is just because of the medicine that I have taken for the past days that keeps me very emotional about this special day of my dad. But I guess, in a way, I have regrets of not being someone whom he can be proud of. I am really not that close to my dad while I was growing up because he was strict and most of the time he was away due to further studies or work. But when I got married, we somehow made a better relationship and in some instances, me being the eldest, had to speak up in behalf of my siblings. There is of course the respect and a bit of fear sometimes but somehow I can talk to him more openly, but sparing him with my personal issues. I want to spare him with all my frustrations and pain. Next week, the family will be going to Malaysia to extend his birthday celebration. My mom didnt oblige me to pay for anything on that trip. I am of course ecstatic to have a vacation with the family, but somehow feeling a big low coz I could not give anythinv more special for my dad. Anyone of you having the same sentiments about your own dad?
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As i child, i think everyone has their regrets about their parents. But i believed that every parents already proud with their child no mater what his or her conditions. I do also have regrets with my father, because i can’t spend lots of time with him. He passed away really soon – when i’m still 23 yo, Still i’m little kid i severely saw him at home, his job required him to go to several city around of my country. He worked at Indonesia electricity provider company, so he need to go around to control the establishment of electricity tower in my country. After i born, he only be able to come home once a week, arrived at the morning Saturday and need to go again on the Sunday night. And when i’m at Senior High School, he only able to come home twice per month, because he need to control the project in difference province, and then because once a month. And when i was in High School, he only able to come home once per 3 months, and he need to live alone in that area because it’s not possible for him to come back once a month like he used to be. Most of his friend at that time, must brought their family to move with them – because they can come home as often as before. But my father insist that we don’t need to move with him because he consider me and brother education. The city that he need to finished that project is in rural area, and the educations system is not as good as my city because we live in big city. Then, he scarifies to live alone and come back once per 3 months. Then, i study aboard and we only can meet once in a year, when i have holiday. If i count, how many day that i meet with him personally, i think it’s not more than 365 days of my 23 years. But, i never felt that he’s not here with me. He always calling me like minimum 8 times a day – 5 times to remind me to pray, and 3 times to remind me to eat. LOL (I even got teased by my friend that said my father is more like my boyfriend :P) So what my point is, i think you are really lucky to still be able to hug and see him in person until now. You really need to enjoy his birthdays, don’t over think that you’re not able to make him proud, because by being who you are and being healthy is more important for him, – i really do believed it. And happy birthday to your father from me 🙂 |
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Firstly, welcome to Malaysia!! I am sure your family will have a great time shopping and visiting historical sites here. The weather is fine now, raining but not storm. Happy Birthday to your daddy! My dad will be turning 75 too this July! Both our dads were born during the war time, isn’t it? I also feel bad for not being a daughter that he can be proud of. However, dad said that as long as I am healthy and happily married, that is all that matters. Status, money are not his cup of tea. He said that money cannot buy happiness. As long as we can be together during Chinese New year, he is happy. I am married but I visit him once a year. You are luckier than me, you can see your dad anytime, you are fortunate, really! Yes I agree with you, if you can hug him, consider yourself lucky and blessed. My dad doesn’t like hugs, he prefer a pat on the back. Maybe he is shy. I text my dad whenever I can, but he doesn;t use smartphone because he cannot accept new techno stuff. He prefers his old Nokia button handphone. Hence, I can’t send photos to him. Just remember, according to our dads, we are still their little girl in their heart.
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I am greatly touched, my friend. I am sorry that you were not able to spend more time with your father. But I know that he has bern looking after you. |
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@peachpurple yes you are right when you said that we will alwaysd be our dad’s little girl. I guess, I just get too emotional everytime I think of him. Thank you so much! I am teary eyed but happy reading your reply. |
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Happy 75th birthday to your dad. I do not think that your dad would not be proud of you since you are his daughter. Maybe he just does not express it to you enough to let you know how he feels. I would love to be able to be with my dad. He would be 89 this year. He passed away 19 years ago when I was 24 years old. My dad worked during the day and was always home in the evenings so I was able to spend everyday with him and I appreciate that now. I think you should just enjoy the fact that you have your dad and you can give him a hug. Do not spend time worrying that you are not a good daughter because obviously you love him and love is all you need to give people. Giving a gift from the heart is worth more than anything that you can buy in a store. |
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Thanks @morgoodie thgat really touched my heart. I may be expecting too much from myself to offer to my parents. Am not envious of what my siblings have become because I am happy for their success. It’s just that I am the eldest and I just wish that I could provide for my parents than the other way around. |
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We do what we can when we can and our parents do not expect any more of us than that. It is hard to believe that since we know that our parents did a lot for us growing up and we want to repay them for that. I always think that I could have done more or said more to my parents but I think that is just normal guilt because they are no longer here. It is only after we realize their mortality that we have regrets about what we were not able to provide for them or what we never said when we had the chance. I feel that as long as everything you do for them comes from the heart then that is sufficient for them. |
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My father is already dead. The only legacy he bequeathed me is the values I learned from him while he was still living. These are practical principles in life such as a time for God, untarnished character, work, loving for books, opportunity to grow, caring for children, caring for others, and of being considerate. These are 8 values I learned from him are nurtured by me everyday. When occasion permits, I even share these to my children and grandchildren. |
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Thanks @peachpurple @morgoodie @nakitakona13 I really need people to remind me that eventhough I think that I am less of a person that I think I am, my parents don’t see me that way. I guess, I just wanted to prove myself that I need to be better, but not in competition with my siblings but with my old self. |
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you can do better in your own way. Yeah, no point competing with your siblings.
This will end up hurting your dad’s feeling instead. No dad would want to see his own children quarreling or fighting among each other over internal issues. My dad felt sad when my younger brother doesn’t talk or contact me . I know why. I tried to speak up but my bro shut me up. He is displeased that I am married. When I was single, I provide EVERYTHING for my family but once I am married, I can’t do that anymore because I have to take care of my OWN family understand my situation but not my bro. That is why dad felt sad. Hence, I tried to cheer up my dad with text messages, hugs and sending to him handmade cards. He knows that my heart still belongs to this family even though I am married. That is much more important than anything else. |
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@jentleheart There is nothing wrong with trying to be a better person, but do not think you are a lesser person now. I think we are our own worst enemies at times because we are our own biggest critics. I am not sure why we do this to ourselves since it is self destructive. I feel as long as we try our best then we are doing good. I am glad that we could boost you up a little bit and were able to help you. @peachpurple That is sad that your brother could not understand that you have to take care of your family first. It sounds a little selfish of him to expect you to always be the contributor to your parents as there are other children. Is he your only sibling? Is he married too? It is sad when family does not get along and this can be heartbreaking for the parents. I can understand that your father is sad about this. It is not how you envision your children being. I hope that one day your brother will change and you will be able to put the past behind you and have a better relationship with each other. |
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What I can say is that they are little known but excited by what I read, I’m glad yet exist anymore and people among us who can appreciate what you have. I am glad that you love your father and that while it is a pride for you because so and must be every parent in the way he should be an example for his child. But I cannot I praise so the father, because it stood next to me so I can admire qualities and success, but do not forget that at you grow you is like a parent, so I can say that the one who raised me example may be more desirable for me in the near future. |
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