June 21, 2016 at 6:17 am

http://172.104.9.193/members/slayer08/

yes indeed it is true.

Spanking doesn’t work on kids nowadays.

In the past during my time and my parents time, spanking definitely worked out well because we weren’t able to understand what kids are thinking about.

My mom used to hit me a lot because her temper is extremely bad.

She used cane, her hands, umbrella to hit me when I am stubborn or answered her back.

I can’t retaliate because I told myself that I can’t hit my mom.

Now that I am a mom myself, I understand why she can’t stand me because my kids behaved the same way as I did when I was young.

June 21, 2016 at 6:22 am

http://172.104.9.193/members/kaka135/

yes you are right, connection is the key to solve parent and child problems.

Now, most parents are too busy with work that we often neglect our kids attention and needs.

Talking help us to understand better why, how, when, what happened.

Yesterday, my son told me that he didn’t passed up his homework for 1 month, Bahasa Malaysia, Malay language.

I asked him why, he gave me all sorts of excuses.

It took a lot of time to get him speak up the truth.

Spanking doesn’t work. During my time, my mom would definitely spank me if I don’t do my homework.

Yeah, yelling doesn’t work either.

I noticed that my boy hated most when I yelled at him.

The most I could do is “raise” my voice.

June 21, 2016 at 6:27 am

http://172.104.9.193/members/dawnwriter/

you are definitely a good mom who had practiced the right way to teach your kids.

You are alike a good teacher who had educated well your kids.

I wish that all mom could behave your way.

No slapping kids when they are young, because it leaves a bad impression about childhood days.

When I was young, mom used to slap my face till it went blue black.

Luckily I didn’t become deaf or mute.

Temper is one hell of a problem.

If you can calm yourself down, you wouldn’t hit your precious child no matter how many times he “pressed that button” on you, the patience button.

June 21, 2016 at 6:33 am

http://172.104.9.193/members/ruby3881/

yeah you know, we used to say that “no to spanking” but when the situation goes out of hand, beyond your control, out of your boundary, you just to to whack that little kid to stop all his nonsense once and for all.

It is alike testing your limitation.

Of course, once in a while spanking had to be done not frequently as it will become a bad habit that one cannot stop.

Talking does work out IF your child listens to you.

Not every time I must admit that my kids would listen.

He would say,”don’t say that, I don’t want to hear what you say, you go away, you get lost, you crazy mom, I don’t like you, I hate you”….

may I ask, how am I suppose to talk to him when he is interrupting every word I say.??

So, only way is to shut up and wait until he cools down first.

Otherwise, there will be more epics going on.

June 21, 2016 at 6:41 am

http://172.104.9.193/members/grecy095/

ahh… it is not easy being a parent.

It is fortunate of you to have mom and dad who never beat or pinch you.

My mom is different from yours.

If you could, I am sure you would be a wonderful mom to your kids in the near future .

Hopefully you can “Stand” the ruckus that you kids had made because I had been through that trial times for the past 20 years of my life being a mom.

Wow, that long!

June 21, 2016 at 6:47 am

http://172.104.9.193/members/icybc/

maybe in western countries, sending a disobedient child to the corner or to his room worked out but not to Asian children.

When a child started to misbehave, first thing he would do is scream, yell, kick, sprawl on the ground, hit himself until the parent gave in.

No matter what the parent had instructed or demanded him to do like calm down, shut up, go to your room, sit there….. nope he wouldn’t listen.

So, at this time, only spanking would work out.

I had seen my nieces, nephews behaved this way and spanking did worked out for them when they were young.

However, once a child had reached 7 years old, spanking doesn’t work anymore.

Yes, parents are to be blamed when a child misbehaved in the public, out of control.

But the public doesn’t know what actually happened at home.

June 21, 2016 at 6:51 am

http://172.104.9.193/members/kaka135/

oh that reminds me, you are right, when a child couldn’t do something that parent had instructed, there must be a reason but the child couldn’t explain it well.

You vomitted after you ate the food?

My mom pinced my ears and my arms when I do that.

She doesn’t care if I had problem with the food.

Now that I am a parent, I had realized that kids cannot swallow everything well especially when it is food that they hated most, vegggies.

My son hated all veggies.

So, I had to give him 1 piece each meal. Not one serving but one piece of carrot or one piece of spinach leaf.

Rather than pinching him on the ears, praise him for swallowing the veggies and tell him stories about the veggies.

Kids love stories, like why popeye ate spinach

June 21, 2016 at 6:56 am

http://172.104.9.193/members/morgoodie/

yes most kids are on daddies side.

Dad always play the good angel role, mom plays the bad old bad guy role.

So am I.

My hubby is a good daddy while I am a witch in the family.

It is always like this , a routine that one had to be the good or bad guy so that kids would listen.

I wish that the role would switch one day.

I want to be a good mommy role too.

July 13, 2016 at 6:57 pm

I think a little spanking goes a long way in disciplining a child it will not hurt him in anyway but it will make him or her realize that mummy or daddy are just trying to teach me the right thing it’s not that they hate me or anything. but they will see that what they did was wrong and that is why they were punished. I can say nowadays more and more parents are getting away from the norm of beating their kids up.

July 13, 2016 at 7:48 pm

During the old days, most parents spank their kids in my country. Eventually, the situation had changed after it was implemented children’s rights. I do agree that it cannot change a child’s behavior despite spanking them a couple of times. It is not the answer to discipline them.

In some countries, they still do corporal punishment to their children. I had witnessed this when I was working in an academy. I can disclose the nationality but it was so terrible when they hit the children of what they are called the “love stick”. For them, it is the way of hitting these children for them to change. In fact, it wasn’t. Thus it is rebellious brats the making.

July 13, 2016 at 10:43 pm

@peachpurple Please don’t think that Western kids are any different from Asian kids when it comes to discipline. I have seen lots of tantrums here from kids who were sent to the corner, and lots of parents giving into the kids because they were having a tantrum. We pull our hair out over unruly kids, just as much as you do!

The important thing to keep in mind is to not expect children to do the impossible. We don’t expect an infant to sit up to feed himself, nor to dress himself. We understand that he cries to communicate discomfort and needs. Why should it be any different with older children?

We can’t expect a small child to eat an adult portion at suppertime. Nor should we expect a child to always learn his school lessons perfectly the first time around, or to have consistently perfect behaviour. The things parents punished children for in the past are often just examples of being a small, immature person who has a lot of growing yet to do.

If our expectations match the child’s current phase of development, and if we are very clear in communicating those expectations and the consequences of not meeting them, children do usually behave very well. I don’t think it’s the children who have changed so much since we were little. I think it’s just that we don’t have the homogenous society we used to have. Kids are very aware that rules change when Mom is in charge, or when Dad is taking care of them. They know that other families have different rules, or that the rules are different at school or the babysitter’s. It’s hard for them to sort it all out. And of course, they’ll be in favour of the most lenient rules and will tend to rebel if expectations are greater in one setting than in another.

July 13, 2016 at 10:59 pm

@sauda While it is important to discuss abuse when we talk about punishment, it’s equally important to look at whether any kind of punishment is effective. There is no evidence whatsoever that punishment teaches right from wrong or that it instils values or good habits in children, adults, or even animals. In fact, what punishment tends to do is to teach avoidance of punishment at any cost. Because of this, it can lead to further disobedience – for example, a child lying about his behaviour when confronted.

If we spank, there is no guarantee that we are even telling the child what he did wrong – and more importantly, how to fix it or avoid it next time. And the fact is that most parents spank out of anger or frustration – so, not when we’re at our most communicative!

If a child learns what he did wrong and how to do better next time, it’s certainly not from the spanking! It’s from the discussion that may or may not accompany that spanking. That being said, why not skip the spanking altogether? A frank discussion works much better – and with children as young as toddler or preschool age.

July 14, 2016 at 3:20 am

@peachpurple I agree with you, I think we are often too busy with other stuffs. Though I am with my children all the time, and  I know connection is important, I still think I am not doing enough especially when I am busy with my work or tired.

I actually prefer some bonding time with my children, especially body contact or physical engagement with them, and I think it really makes a difference. I am not too sure if it works for older children, my children like me to massage them or play with them. Sometimes I pretend to be a slide or air plane and lie on the bed, let them sit on me or I make them fly. I enjoyed this bonding activity very much, but I could not do this since I was pregnant. I find lacking of some physical contact makes some difference. I think more hugging and kissing are helpful in connecting with the children as well.

I did not do these with my parents when I was young. I know my parents love me very much, I just feel there is a lacking of connection.

July 14, 2016 at 2:45 pm

You have said it very well teaching a child when they are still toddlers is good. that way they get to be responsible but there are some children who can be very unruly sometimes that may require a little beating. I don’t agree with beating them all the time because they could get used to it and that could stir trouble. being able to talk to the child and counselling him helps quite a lot

July 14, 2016 at 2:59 pm

I never experienced spanked by my parents and even my elder sisters and brothers.That is why I dare not spank my cute and little and noisy nieces and nephews hehehe. I just talk to them telling them to observe silence for other members at home are having high blood pressure, and they stopped.