May 11, 2016 at 2:34 pm

Spanking is not well accepted in the modern society.

Nowadays kids are not stupid to just stay there, let mommy spank them.

They would retaliate in form of  anger, physically and verbally.

In addition spanking doesn’t change a child`s behavior.

Instead, it may deterioate further his hatred towards parents.

Sometimes, it is hard not to spank your child after numerous warning.

When you have done everything and nothing works, you just have to spank.

What is your opinion?

May 11, 2016 at 3:36 pm

while growing up our mom and dad would spank us and that’s they’re way of disciplining us. We hated them for it but we did not rebel because our parents will always tell us why they did it. Although thinking about it now, it really does not do well to spank your children but talking to them sometimes does nothing either – so what to do?

May 11, 2016 at 4:38 pm

I never spank my children, and I remind myself not to do that, no matter how. I did yell at my elder son, now I rarely yell at them, but still get angry and scold them sometimes. I learned not to yell, and now learning not to get angry and scold them too.

My mom used to beat me when I was young, though I always think I am a good girl. I always wonder why couldn’t she just talk to me nicely, instead of scolding or beating me. I didn’t like that at all. Though I understand why my mom did that now, I still think there are other better ways to do so.

I believe there are always ways that we can do calmly and lovingly without spanking, yelling or scolding.  Whenever my children are having any challenging behaviors, I know it’s actually me who didn’t do enough or I have been too busy at my work and neglected them. Connection is the key.

May 11, 2016 at 4:52 pm

I have never spanked any of my children nor slapped them on face or body.

But sometimes if at toddler age, they threw  a tantrum, I lightly hit their bottom (never too hard) but to make them stop crying loudly.

From a very young age, I tell my children if they are happy, I am happy and we exchange big smiles. Children like to make their parents happy so they come up to me and show smiles and i smile back.

My older children know the limits very well. No hitting, using foul language, stealing, cheating or taking siblings’ things without permission is allowed but the training has to start very young and parents have to be role model first.

May 11, 2016 at 5:05 pm

@dawnwriter Yes, I agree with you that children actually like to make their parents happy. They do not purposely make us angry. I also think it’s good to let the children know what the boundaries are, and as parents, we need to stick to the boundaries firmly, consistently but lovingly too, otherwise children will be confused. I totally agree with being the role model as well. Children really like to imitate us. They are really a mirror to me.

Whenever I get angry, my little girl always brings me the angel doll or shows me her smiley, and tells me not to get angry. This always calms me down. I always told that I am learning from the mother angel, I am learning to be gentle and not to get angry. I also always invite them to learn together with me, as mom is not perfect too, and we are always learning, and learning together.

There are still many challenging moments for me as a parent, but I am sure we will all learn and grow up together.

May 11, 2016 at 10:31 pm

I think it’s really interesting that you mention first that spanking doesn’t work, and then go on to say that if other means aren’t effective a parent “just has to” spank. I think that’s how the majority of parents who do spank would probably see it: as a last resort, and often a measure used in frustration, exasperation, and extreme anger.

That exactly when not to spank.

My kids are all teens and tweens, so we’ve been past the spanking stage for a while now. And I can say that when we did resort to spanking, although we had hoped it would help the kids learn and would improve behaviour and keep them safe, it probably never did any of those things.

What has worked best with our kids at any age is talking things out with them. And by that, I mean explaining things rather than dictating to them. I mean setting a positive example, and treating them with the same respect I would show an adult. When I feel they need correcting, the only means I use now is to tell them that I’m disappointed with their behaviour (and why, and how to fix it) and to use natural consequences if a negative behaviour continues.

They aren’t angels, but my kids are some of the safest, best-behaved kids I know. They have many friends who take big risks with their behaviour, and who cause their parents a lot of grief. For the most part, my kids are respectful, loving, and helpful around the home. They look after one another, and they take care that we always know where they are and what they’re doing if plans change. I have very little to worry about 🙂

May 12, 2016 at 2:23 am

My 7 year old  daughter is so far away from the good behavior, she was abusing kicking and hitting to get what she wants for quite a long time. I returned all the ‘favors’, of course with not much effect as she is extremely assertive, but she took it seriously only after she has been faced with the bullies at the school. As the teachers were already under a huge pressure I didn’t want to make more mess and worsen the whole thing so I trained her how to defend herself. She got out of the mess victoriously and now nobody touches her. She tends to be a little gremlin from time to time but that negative experience thought her the importance of being less selfish and that she absolutely can rely on me to help her, even when I am not there. Some kids need to learn out of an example that the violence is very bad thing, while other reacts on talking and emotions. Mine is a little barbarian, she has to ruin something to realize that it could be done in a nicer way. In any other way she is a very affectionate, expressive and usually hangs all over me the whole day.

May 12, 2016 at 4:28 am

I never had a child and when I was young, my father never spanks us. My mother never hurt us, even pinched it. They shout at us, verbally hurting us at one time but that’s it. I guess my love for my parents makes all the hurt subside and erased while I was growing. Other parents do this to discipline their child. For them to hurt them is a punishment that they will always remember. The hurt from it will able to stop them from making the same mistake and do the right decision. I am not good at it but based on experience, people learn from mistakes, young and old. Sometimes you are learn through pain but there are other pain that needs to be felt and I am not agreeing to spanking children, however, I am not sure if I will agree to my points this time until I have my own child.

May 13, 2016 at 12:59 pm

@slayer08/

you are right!

When I was young, my bro and I were repeatedly spanked by my mom with one or 2 canes.

She bought the canes from the night market, tie them up together to make the cane thicker.

She caned us whenever we are picky on food, didn’t do homework, didn’t listen to her, etc.

She don’t use verbal advice because her mom never did either.

So you can say that she COPIED her mom, spanking us.

Yes, spanking didn’t work out.

I became disobedient, my brother hated her to the core.

She was left alone.

Spanking do not teach children to be better.

Instead, it will distant the relationship

May 13, 2016 at 9:53 pm

Some sorts of discipline are needed to teach the children, and spanking is old! Though I don’t totally or completely think it is so bad if the spanking is not in a physical abuse form. A light tap on the bottom usually does it well enough to bring the child back from his tantrum.

Sent them to their room or corner should be sufficient enough for me. I have seen children who were out of control in public and the parents have no way of discipline their children using their physical strength to keep the children managed.

Nowadays we have lost all control of being able to discipline our children, but if something went wrong, the parents are also getting blamed!

May 13, 2016 at 11:25 pm

My dad never spank me, but my mom did beat us with something, and I don’t even remember what that was, but I remember it was not a cane, not a stick, as she didn’t really mean to hurt us or make us painful. But, the problem is I don’t even remember why she beat me. So, did spanking or beating really discipline the child? I really doubt so.

Some might said the kids will remember the pain and remember the lesson as well, but most of the time, I guess kids will only remember they are being beaten, but might not know why and not even remember what they should do.

I remember my mom used to force me to finish the food I was eating, I understood it’s not good to waste food, but sometimes I really couldn’t finish. There was once, I finished the food and vomited quite badly. Then my mom realized that I didn’t purposely disobey her, I really could not do it. So I always think when a child “disobey” us, there must be an underlying reason for us to find out, but not just punish them without understanding them.

May 13, 2016 at 11:47 pm

@kaka135 omg, that is terrible. My parents were pretty vicious, that’s why I am a very forgiving parent. I remember that my parents used to do the same thing with the food, but not because of the food but because I was not growing. I had a really nasty intestine infection when I was a baby and I was not advancing right, it was visible when I was 3-4 so they were trying to ‘fix’ it but it was just too forceful and quite nothing happened even when I did eat.

I never forced my kid to eat and she grew up wonderfully, she eats everything, very healthy, her blood picture is perfect. She gets a bit messy about the food sometimes, but it never lasts. I always adjust her menu to her own taste and she eats how much she needs.

May 14, 2016 at 3:57 am

My mother did spank us, but it was not very often. Spanking was the way that children were disciplined back then. My father never had to because we were daddy’s girls so we did not want to disappoint him or get him mad at us for any reason.  I did not feel hate towards my parents for them spanking me nor did I feel distant from them. I was taught to respect them and I loved them dearly. I was really close to my parents and was taught that family was the most important thing in the world. I sometimes, think that some of the kids need a good butt kicking since they have no respect for other people or their property. They have attitudes that they should be handed everything and not have to work for it, like it is their right.  I do not really spank my children and I try to understand why they do the things that they do. My daughter has mental issues that cause her to be obstinate and contrary to everything she is told by me, so I take that into consideration.

May 14, 2016 at 4:46 am

I do not hate or dislike my parents as well, in fact, I really love them and think I am very blessed to have parents like them. I do not blame them, though we might have different thoughts in parenting. They didn’t learn how to be parents, and back in those days, they were busy to earn money and also trying hard to raise us. It’s not easy in those old days. They were learning on their parenting journey, and so do we. It’s just that we are really lucky to have so many resources nowadays, and they didn’t have. Moreover, they have taught us the good values we should have, and I really appreciate that. Most of all, they really love us very much.

Now that they are grandparents now, and I can see they are still learning too. They  understand us better, and understand why we parent our children this way, and also understand this is the new world and it’s good that we parent our children differently.

June 1, 2016 at 11:47 pm

That depends on each one, that one cannot comment on what we want to do as long as the child matter how we grow.

But I do not think a date palm at the right time can influence child correct growth, if we can think that one day we would not if we let all listen more in his will.

I accept myself as someone hitting a child, nor let him climb into our head, for it is foolishness.