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| I think part of our life is to hate someone, either because they did something wrong to us, we don’t understand them and their principles, we think everything they do makes it wrong in our lives or we just hate them. However, having a grudge is something deeper. It caused by something that happened in the past that really puts us in danger, emotionally and physically. Or maybe they did something wrong with the people very dear to us and we cannot forgive and forget about it. Having a grudge is a one sided emotions, unless you know if the other people you are feeling that feels the same way. The probability is 50% that they likely to feel the same way. Are you holding a grudge on someone? How does it helps you to live? Are you happy holding it for too long now? Do you think it is time to move on? Some people thinking it is useless as you are the only one that feels it. If you just moved away from those people you hate, your life will get better, no use to hold grudges anymore. It only leads you to a heavy feeling. You must throw away those excess baggage on your shoulder. Tell me your story!
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| As human we cannot avoid grudges, but I also thought about it as an ill-feeling that may harm my health. I oftentimes release my grudges by putting what I feel onto writing to remedy my grudge to a person. The feeling keeps on repeating. | |
| @lovern I agree on the health issue and it is bad. I know a lot of people holding a grudge and they have been to a lot of illnesses, they just able to free themselves when they forgive themselves for holding it for long and for forgiving the person who had hurt them from the past. They got healed from leaving the past and living for a moment. | |
| @Grecy, so true, yet it takes months and years to forget. It is not easy to forget the cause of grudge that made us sick in the past. How we wanted to fight back to remedy the hidden anger.Time also helps us to forget and sooner the ill-feeling disappears. What is left is only the memories hard to forget, but pain no longer felt. | |
| @lovern actually it happened to me. I have an ill feeling with my neighbors and I really hate them, but I grown matured in time, I tried to forgive myself and forgive them on what they had done to us, but I will never forget it. I am being careful with them almost every day of my life and I know even if time heals the pain, I will never consider befriending them. It is just enough for me to find peace with myself about them, not having peace with them completely because I doubt if it will happen with the kind of attitude they are having. | |
| @grecy, that is a very nice idea to ignore them though you have forgiven them. Don’t anymore trust them and just pretend you’re happy seeing their faces. Me too, the cause of my past grudge was my ex-when he and my best friend had a secret affair. Actually I stoned him outside the school where I taught. I helped him to be hired as a teacher in the department where I am teaching for we have the same major, only to know that he and my neighbor and best friend who was also in the same department as faculty secretly liked my boyfriend, she tempted him and he was carried away. I learned it about their secret affair from my co-teachers and students. We were in a relationship for almost 8 years. During those years, I was also hired as a branch manager in a Pre-need company, that was why I was not in school in the morning. My teaching loads were scheduled at 3:00 pm up to 9:40 pm. One night I wondered why she was there in bundy clock. Me and my bf usually went home together.I asked her why she was also there when her schedules are in the day. She did not answer me. I did not get the clue, but the boy was so silent.Then the next evening, my bf was absent he texted me he has fever, but my heat was beating differently. I was in the bundy clock, that time we used bundy card, then I noticed that there is something that bulged the bundy card of my boyfriend, so I checked it only to see a short letter stapled onto it. It reads: ” Joe, I miss you, see each other tonight at Coco bay Resort at 6 in the evening.Love you, Zon.” To make the story short, I crumpled the note a turned them into pieces and threw in the trash can. I told my chairman, who was also my best friend, and my chair told me, don’t worry, I won’t give them load, hahahaha, I was relieved, yes, they were not given load in the second semester. And they were jobless. My bf confessed me his guilt, but I told him. The feeling is gone and please get lost on my way. He married a CPA lady and now they are in Melbourne. He has a face and height and bright too, so he was hired manager in McDonald Aussie, my ex friend because of shame forced to marry an 80 year old German hahaha. Karma to them both until this time, childless after 7 years of marriage. Sorry sissy for this long message about the origin of my unforgettable and unforgivable hatred to them. Just imagine my heartaches dear. | |
| @lovern sis you know me, I love stories. Good thing you shared this one. It is just enough to hold grudges for them after the betrayal but again as we both agree, ill feeling and grudges are not good in our health. I think what you do to others might happen to you regardless it is good or bad, so everyone could be aware of their actions and do good to everyone. I find you very brave enough to remember all of this, 8 years is not a joke sis, it really cut you into deeper, yet again karma worked on them so you are smiling now, just like the photo you are having. | |
| @grecy, hehehe thank you sissy, actually my ex wanted to be friends in Facebook, what????Instead of accepting, I blocked him right away. I am thankful we can block someone not yet a friend. About my ex friend, her name is Zonah, we are friends, classmates and neighbors, my goodness, how dare she was able to commit such a crime in our friendship , she also wanted to be a friend in Facebook, what a thick face. She messaged me in FB window, but cleared the message and blocked her. I hate them until this time.I pray God to help me erase this feeling in my heart so I can fully moved on. My ex- parents asked me one time why me and their son broke our relationship. I told them their son betrayed me. They were so angry at their son. I want to close this book forever next month.Thanks sis for your sympathy. | |
| @lovern oh I thought it was removed, we need to pray for that, but for sure you have this positive mind sets in life and I can feel it in you so you can really move on from that. Close the book sis and be thankful that these people are no longer in your life. Totally delete them with you heart and soul. | |
| @grecy, Thank you sis, actually I am in a relationship with a New Zealander and I am , this time, waiting for the result of the Partnership visa with work visa which I applied for 6 months now. I hope the result will arrive this week, for if not, I have to report to work on June 14. I must also protect my job, what if not granted and I resigned, my God, I will be jobless.The income from internet is not enough, unless Blogjob is still there for it pays bloggers better. I hope I can have a visa this week. That is why sissy, in my last sentence, I said I have to close my book forever next month. In case, I will be granted with a visa, I hope we could still communicate through Facebook or here, but I might not be so active in the sites when I am in once I am in New Zealand. | |
| @lovern make sure you will update me on that sissy and I pray for you to have it granted. I am glad you found a new love. I guess that is a reward for being honest to yourself. I hope it will be positive on you. | |
| @grecy, Sure sis, I will send you update. I am in a relationship with my foreign bf Dennis Lancelot for 8 years now. He is an Australian born.He is an Australian and New Zealand resident,2 residences. It was only this year that I agreed with his desire to file for a partnership visa, so timely, there are no freshmen, so I can give my load to other teachers for fairness. What makes me dislike in our relationship is , he is a non-marrying type.In case worst comes to worst there, I will fly to United Sates. I hope life will be kind to me,meaning Dennis to change his mind set from non-marrying type to marrying. | |
| Right now I’m certainly holding a grudge! Last week I called my mental health case manager when I was having a panic attack and she told me “You can’t call someone just because you’re afraid!” That was not something to be telling someone who was crying because she was terrified! I am so mad at her. People have been telling me to report her to her supervisor but I am not sure I’m going to do that yet. | |
| @lolaze I wonder what you do when you get afraid if you will receive a response like that. In the first place, they are the institution that will manage to help you when you feel panic attack and they are saying “you can’t call someone just because you are afraid”, are they making me angry? So who will you call, where? You are calling them to ask help and not just because you just want someone to talk with, for sure they know what panic attacks is and what is happening whenever it happens….grr. | |
| It is human tendency to assume it as a part of life if you cannot manage it. I strongly disagree that we cannot avoid holding grudges against anyone. It mainly depends on values which we are born and brought up into OR the society and environment we are into. Unlike animals, human brain is different. We do not think in one direction unless we are forced into it. 1 animal hates another and this continues till ages. You probably cannot imagine a snake behaving friendly with a mongoose OR an Eagle for that matter (OR vice versa). They keep on fighting with each other. It is virtually impossible to have a tiger peacefully co – exist with its prey. This is how animals are made. They fight and kill because they are made like that. Same rule however, does not work on humans. We have advanced from that stage. I will quote a story from the Buddhist Dhammapada. A man had 2 wives (second marriage happened because first wife wasn’t fertile enough). The second wife gave birth to a baby. The first wife took that boy and killed him (out of jealousy). 2 wives started hating each other. This continued in this birth and the next (Buddhism like various Dharmic cultures believes in cycles of rebirths till salvation). Several births later, one of the wives got birth as a man eater demoness and the other wife a farmer’s wife. Buddha saw the happening and immediately recollected the past experiences (Buddha literally means “the enlightened” in Sanskrit). He summoned them and told them to get rid of this grudge feeling. Dhammapada contained a detailed discourse on how to do that. Humans do have the opportunity to break this cycle of hate / grudges – animals don’t. I dont know which religion / philosophy you believe in but I am sure that none of them approves this hate / grudge system. Each have its own unique way to get rid of such a dangerous feeling. We need practice and thinking beyond selfishness. Based on my personal experience – I can tell you that this is achievable in the end MAYBE slight difficult in the beginning. |
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