FACTS:if I am to say Tolerance Is Key To Building A Healthy
Relationship
How easy is it to say something nasty when you
are agitated or tired? I think rather easily. The
tongue tends to slip foul language when we are
tired, overworked, stressed, or irritable.
The issue in relationships is that regardless of how
agitated, tired or overworked one is, the negative
hurtful language should not take place. It simply
creates chaos in relationships.
The strategies that I touch on are the same that I
teach in the Relationship Building Course CLICK
HERE to explore how it can help your relationship.
When working with couple’s in my counseling
practice , I find that each partner has a tolerance
level. Imagine that you are a character in a video
game. The more energy that you have, the stronger
off you are. The less energy you have, the weaker
you are.
In relationships, we need to do our best to monitor
our individual level of tolerance in order to be our
best self for our partner. When life gets in the way
or work becomes the main priority, the tolerance
meter is impacted. You may find yourself low on
the meter, meaning that you feel tired or irritable
and are more likely to behave negatively.
Below is a simple and clear way to
understand the tolerance meter.
Meter has two levels.
Low: This level means that you have the
low tolerance for your partner. You may
find yourself easily agitated or provoked
by little things. You may find that the
relationship is consumed with conflict
and arguments.
High: This level means that you have the
high tolerance for your partner. You are
able to think and process the conflict.
You are able to hold back hurt
statements and practice empathy or
understanding.
The goal of the tolerance meter is to create a
system for evaluation. A system in which you and
your partner are able to identify what is causing the
low tolerance or the high tolerance.
Examples of factors that impact
tolerance include:
Avoiding arguments due to feeling anxiety with
confrontation.
Not spending time together.
Arguing or engaging in negative conflict.
Using hurtful statements.
Including each other in favorite activities.
Going on dates.
Work life balance.
Below are questions that you and your partner can
answer and evaluate. Each of the questions allows
an opportunity to overcome the challenge.
Have I annoyed you this week?
Have I said or done anything that hurt you this
week?
What have we done positive this week?
How have I shown my partner appreciation this
week?
How have I worked with my partner this week?
Did I engage in self-care this week?
The goal of the questions is to:
Gain a stronger understanding of what actions
impacted the tolerance meter.
Build skills to support the tolerance meter with
balance.
Practice empathy and support.
Create a system that allows for a healthy
tolerance level.
In order to allow this new habit to take root in your
relationship, there must be added value. Habits that
are organized, value-driven and properly structured
allow a person to have the peace of mind to follow
direction without feeling overwhelmed or
consumed. As a relationship counselor , I highly
support the utilization and implementation of
healthy habits.
When a person associates the positive value to an
act of change, they are often more willing to
engage in the task and effectively complete it. You
can work to increase value per specific task as a
goal to improve success.
Make it a priority to commit time to this exercise.
The important factor to remember is that you are
working to create a meaningful experience while
showing your significant other that they are valued,
needed, wanted, and loved.