row around the entire world to defect to our great nation, a
workers paradise where citizens want for nothing? That alone
should be proof enough that these persistent accusations of
kidnapping are ludicrous.

But cruelty to sharks? This charge must be addressed. Known as
the fishermans friend, the shark has an ancient camaraderie with
the Korean people. In the year 1592, did sharks not offer fish
from their own mouths to help sustain Admiral Yis sailors during
the siege of Okpo Harbor? Have sharks not developed
cancer-preventing powers in order to help their human friends
live longer and healthier? Does our own Commander Ga, winner of
the Golden Belt, not have a soothing bowl of shark-fin soup
before each triumphant taekwondo match? And citizens, did you not
see with your own eyes a movie entitled A True Daughter of the
Country, right here in Pyongyangs own Moranbong Theater? Then
certainly you remember the scene in which our national actress
Sun Moon capsized in Inchon Bay while trying to prevent the
American sneak attack. It was a scary moment for all of us as the
sharks began to circle her, helpless amid the waves. But did the
sharks not recognize Sun Moons Korean modesty? Did they not smell
the hot blood of her patriotism and lift her upon their fins to
carry her safely to shore, where she could join the raging battle
to repel the imperialist invaders?

By these deeds alone, citizens, you must know that the rumors
swirling around Pyongyangthat Commander Ga and Sun Moon are
anything less than utterly in loveare baseless lies! Baseless as
the boarding of our innocent fishing vessels by foreign powers,