CITIZENS, gather round your loudspeakers, for we bring important
updates! In your kitchens, in your offices, on your factory
floorswherever your loudspeaker is located, turn up the volume!

In local news, our Dear Leader Kim Jong Il was seen offering
on-the-spot guidance to the engineers deepening the Taedong River
channel. While the Dear Leader lectured to the dredge operators,
many doves were seen to spontaneously flock above him, hovering
to provide our Reverend General some much needed shade on a hot
day. Also to report is a request from Pyongyangs Minister of
Public Safety, who asks that while pigeon-snaring season is in
full swing, trip wires and snatch loops be placed out of the
reach of our youngest comrades. And dont forget, citizens: the
ban on stargazing is still in effect.

Later in the broadcast, well reveal the winning recipe for this
months cooking contest. Hundreds of recipes were entered, but
only one can be declared the best way to preparePumpkin Rind
Soup! But first comes grave news from the East Sea, where
American aggressors flirt with acts of all-out war after stopping
and looting a North Korean fishing vessel. Once again, the
Yankees have violated Korean waters to steal the precious
contents of a sovereign ship, all the while accusing us of
everything from banditry to kidnapping to cruelty to sharks.
First off, it is the Americans and their puppets who are the
pirates of the sea. Secondly, did an American woman not recently
row around the entire world to defect to our great nation,