Available Balance
These Are My Growing Pains of Life

When I was a kid I ‘t think that I realized how big the world is. How much was really out there. I wouldn’t say that I was sheltered, but I would say that I was limited to what I knew because the people around me where limited to what they knew. It doesn’t seem that they really learned what all was all there as far as education and the power of knowing ones self.

I am an adult now, so I can’t blame my parents for the things that they never taught me because they themselves didn’t know. All I can do now and is learn everything that I can possibly learn and be the best mother that I can be with the tools that are provided to me.

I would be lying though if I said that I never stop and think what my life would be like if my mom taught or encouraged me to be happy in the skin that I am in. If she taught me how to begin to love myself, to find what it was that gave me passion and to run with it. To chase it down and capture every moment. To take note of every mistake and learn from them, to not be ashamed or afraid to fail, because after all, all the greats fell and what made them champions is their courage to get back up.  I wonder if my life would have been different. Not that my life is harder than anyone else. I am blessed with a husband and kids and we live comfortably. So I am grateful for the things we have and it’s not the material things that I yearn for, it’s just I wish there was someone who would have taught me more about life.

Life as a wife and mother. I struggle at both, but I believe that I am my worst crictic. Everyone around me tells me what a good job I am doing, my husband and kids are happy, but it’s me wishing that I would do better and more of this or that. Eventually, I’ll get there I guess, I am figuring it all out. That’s all that I can really do, right?

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Walking by Faith: The image of God

It’s not easy to imagine God. We see traces of God everywhere in the universe. God does love and care for us. But God’s parental love is much greater than that of the best parent we can imagine. God is far beyond the limits of our language and vision. No image or word we choose can capture who God is.

 

We do not know what God looks like, but in Jesus we can see and hear God’s love. To call Jesus God’s word is to say that all the power and greatness of God has come to life in our midst. In the mystery of the incarnation, the Son of God became human. In Jesus, God became human to save us from sin. The Son of God came to show us the way to know, love, and serve God. Through faith we can say that Jesus is both God and human. Jesus is the perfect image and sacrament of God. When we meet Jesus, we meet God.

 

Gradually, in what he said and did, Jesus let people come to know God through him. Many people saw and heard, and felt God’s love in Jesus. Many others had difficulty accepting Jesus as the image of God. Some could accept Jesus as human but not as divine, that is, God. Jesus would never be limited to easy categories because God’s love is unlimited. But the people Jesus touched and healed had no problem believing that he was both human and the Son of God. We look at Jesus and we see God.

 

We are created in God’s image. In Baptism we are given the grace to be living images of God every day. Of course we are not perfect images of God’s love as Jesus is. But the image of God’s love in us becomes clearer the more we try to live as Jesus did. The more we cooperate with God’s grace, and the more we care for others, the more we reflect God’s image. People can see God at work even in our limited human selves. What we do and say reflects God’s presence in the world around us. In Christ we are adopted Sons and Daughters of God.

 

The Son of God accepted his suffering as God’s will, and so he is our redeemer.

 

When Jesus walked the path of suffering and death to the new life of God’s kingdom, he did so as the first of many. God’s power and love break through into our lives.

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Make your child fell better.

It’s something all of us try to do every day..

Being a parent can be challenging and rewarding at the same time, but seeing your child sad or hurt is heartbreaking.  Our parental instinct is to fix it all and make it better.  We tend to distract the problem with lollies, toys, junk food, a quick fix, but does it fix the true issue or cause your child bigger issues later on?

Simple answer, yes, this will cause issues down the track.  Comfort eating, binge drinking, gambling, drugs and solitude all come to mind..how many of you and people you know do these things for comfort?

As parents, should we be incouraging this behaviour or helping our children work through their feeling from talking about it and pysical comfort.

What are your ways on dealing with these issues?

I have 5 children of my own and for me, giving my child a sweet treat to help wipe away their tears always comes to mind first, and then i remind myself that this has not proven helpful to me and i don’t want that for my children.

The other week, after basketball, my eldest son Malic, who is 11yrs was so upset.  As we left the stadium and headed to the car, i could see he was sad about something, i asked him if he was okay, and he cried, telling me that he was hurt from not feeling included in the team.  I should let you know that he subs for this team.  Driving home, all i wanted to do was drive thru McDonalds and make him feel better, but i didn’t.  Instead, we talked about it and i reinforced how great of an opputunity being a sub for the team was and it was ok to feel this way.  I thanked him for sharing his feelings with me and hugged him many times.

I let him then be alone with his thoughts, whilst checking in on him every hour to make sure he was ok.  We also spoke to the coach, so he could confront the issue and really work through it.

I believe that this will help my children really grow as a person and learn about who they are.  He still wants to sub for this team and continues to be the best that he can be, and i believe it’s because he spoke about what was bothering him..

If we as parents can all encourage this behaviour with our childdren, then maybe depression will be a thing of the past.  Listen to your children, they are amazing little people with amazingly intelligent minds.

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Little Children Must Not be Given Electronic Gadgets

Child psychologists say parents should not give their children electronic gadgets like cellphone, tablets, i-pad or other modern gadgets which they use for playing games.

They say, a child can have a cellphone or gadget when he is already 14 years old. This is to protect them from online scams, and other unfavorable sites which should be seen by adults only. Some of these sites are porn sites, etc. which “pollutes” the mind of the children. There could be some safety measures to prevent this like putting lock codes, but children could be so intelligent enough to unlock it.

Children might think that whatever they see online is the right thing to do. They could not think well, or they can be exposed to negative influences like not-so-good friends on Facebook, and other social media sites.

It is said that children who are exposed to gadgets at very early age tend to be impatient; they want things done the easiest way as do an iphone or smartphone does. With just a swipe or a click, they can easily get what they want, or answer their questions instantly. Aside early from this, psychologists say that early exposure to gadgets make the child lazy, or tend to rely on instant results instead of trying hard or exerting his full potentials to achieve something.

This is the reason why I do not like parents who give their children those electronic gadgets instead of giving them educational toys that can help develop their potentials. They should also allow them to mingle with other children to improve their emotional quotient, or to make them well-rounded. They could also learn how to share toys, to be considerate of the feelings of other children; to express themselves, or to be sociable, instead of being aloof or sitting alone in front of a computer all day.

Children should experience to play on playgrounds, to trample on the grass or dried leaves, to feel the ground on their feet. But they should be supervised closely by their parents, guardians, or caregivers.

Some parents justify giving their children electronic gadgets saying they are too busy to supervise them;but they should be creative enough to allot some time for their children; to play with them; to see how their children grow instead of letting babysitters do it for them.

Children will always treasure the days when their mothers or fathers take care of them. They should be cared for by humans, not by robots or electronic gadgets.

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If you want to prolong the life of your parents, invite them to visit you!

Invite your parents to visit you not only during major holidays. This is of course perfect to have perfect time with your old parents such holidays as Christmas and Easter. That is really important event for family unity. But you do not need to wait for big events, invite your parents to visit you any day or for the Sunday dinner.

The researchers found that older people, who are often seen with their children usually live much longer than those who do not have this possibility. The study involved more than thousand people. The average age of the participants in this study when it was performed, was 71 years old and over the past 6 years 23% of these people have passed away living lonely and without close relationship with their children, often without seeing them. Among those who were able to rely on their strong family and children, died only 14 percent.

All our life we want to be useful for someone. It’s simple – each of us wants to mean something to someone. Over the years, it is not going anywhere, and if we remain lonely, longing, this only strengthens.

For the elderly people relationships with close people and relatives, especially with the grandchildren, are even more important than in the young. In addition, they are great friends that can share their invaluable life experiences with the young people.

The older a person is, the more greater tolerance for other people’s weaknesses he has. They do not criticize the others and therefore are better friends than the young.

In addition, such a friendship for young people can be very useful: the older people know for what really it worth to fight in life, and what can be easily dismissed by hand.

So, invite your older parents and grandparents to visit you, communicate, and share with them your experiences and news. Do this at least during the holidays. Research shows that such gatherings are very important to all generations. And, most likely, it’s one of ingredients of the true happiness.

 

Picture by Pixabay.com

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Parents, Especially Mothers Should Take Care of Their Children

Image credit: Pixabay.com

In our country, it is a given role of women, of taking care of their children not only during formative or toddler years but up to even teenage years and above.

Mothers should see that their children are safe, and in these modern times, mothers should always keep an eye on their children because they might be victimized by “devils” luring on earth. Why did I say devils on earth? Because they personify one. Take the case of the culprit who raped a seven-years old girl.

The suspect was a sugarcane cutter/laborer, presumably he is part of transient laborers who come to the place where there are sugarcane to be harvested. They are hired by the sugarcane plantation owner or of the businessman who buys the raw material for sugar, the sugarcanes. They live temporarily in the field they are working on, staying there until they had harvested all the sugarcanes.

And so it was one Sunday morning, and the little girl reportedly went with his playmates, many of them boys, to bathe in a river near their house. It was unknown if the parents or the mother knew that the girl went to the river with other children.

Many people go to the river to bathe or wash clothes. Some people who do not have water system connected to their homes usually go to the river to wash clothes. I didn’t know if that river is clean or fit for bathing or for washing clothes. And since it is summer time, many people wanted to bathe in the river or sea to cool off.

Maybe the suspected laborer was there to take a bath or wash his clothes, being a Sunday and it is a rest day for most workers and employees. It could be he saw the girl bathing there. And if he is high on prohibited drug like methamphetamine hydrochloride locally known as shabu, he could had targeted the girl for his evil plan. It was not know how he was able to get the little girl. Like most stories of such abductions, the suspect usually offer food or money to the innocent victim, or will concoct stories saying he know the victim’s parents or he is a relative. So the girl, so innocent of the sinister plans, will go with the man.

It was unknown what time the rape happened. A passer-by just saw the girl lying in the sugarcane field late in the evening. She was alive, but reportedly bathed in blood.

This incident was told to me by my massage therapist. She said she was about to visit her house when she saw many men carrying bolos, wood, and other sharp objects and apparently looking for someone. She asked one of the men and she was told they were looking for a rape suspect.

If they had found the suspect, he could be dead from the beating by the mob. They were ready to put justice into their hands, as they say they had the reason to do so to an evil man who raped the innocent victim.

The suspect could had fled to some place to avoid the hands of the law. If the parents or anyone from that place have no picture or do not know the suspect, then he is free and could have do it again to another victim.

But the parents should also get the blame for that incident. Should they be cautious and responsible enough in keeping an eye on their children, or to their little girl, it could not happen. They should think that there are many drug addicts lurking everywhere, even in such rural area, especially there are so many transient laborers.

And a man in his right mind could not do that to a young girl. I hope he can be caught and be jailed for a long time.

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Kids book review; are you my mother small book
April 9, 2017
0

Kids book review; are you my mother small book

 

I like to read books like, Are You My Mother

The cover has that same green metallic color with the baby bird on top of the lazy dog. It’s exactly the same as I remembered when I was a kid.

This book author is P.D. Eastman and this author wrote really meaningful stories, so I thought why not to read this book also, it talks about one mother after getting her eggs in the net, she leaves it. Later eggs breaks and the baby come out, and the kid grow up and start asking all and everything he meet if she is the mother, for his bad luck none were his mother. In here since its about  small bird so he meets all the animals asking them are you my mother or not? So the book talks about parents connection with their kids. connection that starts from the minute they are born, not the minute they meet, since the mother in this story did not see her kid. And both never saw each other. Are you my mother is unique book since it talks not about human but its story about a mother bird and her egg which become her kid bird too

Pages: sixty four pages to read. considering its meant for kids its not long book. I liked that the book is fiction and not fiction at the same time. It has facts, the font is good, its really good journey book to read with your kids, journey of baby to find mother and parents with babies will like to get together and read it.

It tells you in few words that mom and dad loves their kids and even if far they are still connected.

 

The book is blue in color with photo of basket and tow birds are in the basket, its adorable and sure kids will like it.

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Turning the Kids Against The Parents

This is a true story.  The only thing I will change are the names.

Nicole and Winston were married young.  They quickly had two sons, Paul and Jim, and their marriage began to fall apart.   Thinking they were doing the right thing, they sent the children to live with Winston’s mother.

Winston had an elder sister, a younger sister, and a younger brother.   The elder sister was Lola, , the younger sister was Ruby, and the younger brother was Frank.

Frank particularly hated Winston and Paul and Jim.   In fact, Frank hated Paul and Jim especially because his mother loved them more than she loved him.

After a few good thumps from his mother, after a few episodes in which Frank didn’t exist in his mother’s eyes because she was so focused on Paul and Jim, Frank decided to play the boys.  Decided to use them.  Decided to make them love him more than anyone so that one day he could push them under a train.

Nicole wanted to take back her children, but her now ex-Mother in law told her to wait, get herself established and then take them.

Winston came and took them without permission.   This was three years later.   Three years of Frank’s input. Three years of Frank making them hate their father.

Winston wasn’t perfect, but he wasn’t as bad as Frank made him to be, and the boys couldn’t wait to run away, back to Frank and Grandma.

Grandma did love them more than her own children.

She did a will.

She left one house to be shared between Winston and his elder sister, Lola.   She left one house to be shared between Ruby and Frank.  One house to Ruby, and two houses to Paul and Jim.

Frank didn’t know about the Will until his mother died.   By then Frank was in his forties, Paul and Jim, were in their thirties.  He shared the facts with Lola who was in her fifties.   They decided to take one of the houses left to Paul and Jim and sell it.

Winston found out about the will, and he fought for his half of a house, and then contacted Paul and Jim.  They acted as if he were trying to trick them.   After all, Unca Frank loved them.  Unca Frank would never hurt them. Evil Daddy can’t be trusted!

As time passed Paul and Jim slowly began to appreciate what had happened.  Despite the fact it was Frank and Lola who had tried to steal the property Grandma left to them, they hated Winston.   Winston must be doing all this to hurt Lola and Frank.   There could be no other reason.

Despite everything, they refused to believe that their lives had been twisted and destroyed by those they trusted. No.   They could not move from the position they were in when they were under six years of age.

 

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Education And Parents Expectations From Children

Anxious-Kids-at-School-title

Credit image share to heysigmund.com Anxious-Kids-at-School.jpg

This is a topic which needs to be discussed in detail at different fora in today’s life and times. When parents try to raise a child especially in our country they have many expectations from them and sometimes these expectations can go overboard. What are the expectations which one can say are going overboard? Well let us discuss  some of them below case by case as each issue is unique so is each child and parent so we do not have straight jacket problems and solutions for these.

 

When the child is young and is just going to Lower Kindergarten, Upper Kindergarten or in the first class the parents will provide what all is required for the child but they start putting pressure on the child telling him or her that they have to get an A or A+ grade as that is what is good for one in life. So this thought that something below that means life is a waste and does not have any value is being drilled into the mind of the child. While very few are able to cope up with the pressure and rise to the occasion, there are a large chunk of children who would genuinely want to achieve those grades but are unable to do so due to one reason or the other. At this the parents put down the child and tell him or her that they are good for nothing. This has a very negative influence on the child and her or she grows up with low self esteem which affects them for the whole of their lives.

 

Once the child grows and is somewhere between classes 4 to 10. The child is usually compared with the class topper and told ‘Look at him, how well he is performing’ whereas you useless fellow you eat, play, go to school, have fun, attend birthday parties, but when it comes to studies, what happens to you? Where does that enthusiasm go  and why does it not reflect in your results? What is the point of spending so much money on you and you not delivering results. It is better you sit at home and not go to school and waste money. When this is repeated again and again when every time results come, it has a very bad influence on the child’s psyche and he or she would tend to be depressed, angry, emotional or withdrawn from people which does not help the child or the parents. Who are totally unaware of what harm they are causing to the child.

 

Parents often have some unfulfilled wish like not being able to learn music or sport or any such activity when they were a child and would want the child to turn their dream into a reality. Obviously the child would genuinely want to see their parent happy and would agree for the same for their sake as he wants to try and the second this is he does not want to hurt the parents, who mean everything to them in their life. When the practice starts and the child for is unable to perform as he or she is not having aptitude for what the parent wants even though he or she wants to try. The child keeps trying its best and finally even after a long time. Things are not working out for obvious reasons the concerned parent gets annoyed and scolds the child and tell them, ‘I had faith in you capabilities and you had it in you to accomplish the same if you tried but you have let me down’. These words pierce the child’s heart and create untold damage to the personality of the child. Which the child will find very difficult to come out of.

 

In some households the financial situation of the family will not be too good for some genuine reason which is unforeseen. At that time the child who would now be a young adult would be told to go and work as there is no choice as there are too many people to be fed in the family. The youth will be forced to go out for work discontinuing his studies. This has such an effect that this leaves a permanent scar on the mind of the child. The child cannot tell anything as he knows the situation in the family and knows the family will starve if money does not come and he is the only hope. As he is not fully qualified and experienced, he does not get a decent job in the market which he would have been aspiring for. He would still want to study but the money he earns is insufficient to feed the family. So he ends up sacrificing the career he aspired to be by the side of the family. But the money would not suffice and the main member in the house would put more pressure on him to work for more hours as the house needs more money to run. Such pressure on youth has its own problems. It is like ones life going off track and life ends up to be a hand to mouth existence and all aspirations are extinguished in the fire of the present circumstances.

 

There are some other parents who will treat the child with kid gloves till he in class 5. The moment he or she reaches class six they will suddenly start treating the child as an adult, they will tell the child that he or she has grown up and should behave accordingly. While the child is confused as to what happened in one year which made him an adult. He will be dumped with more responsibilities in school as the portion increases and he will also be given more house work for which he or she is totally unprepared as no counselling or prior information has been given as to why such a thing is being done by the parents. If the parents inform the child this from a year before and prepare him for facing the situation it will be a better scenario both for the child and the parent too. They can always tell that the portion has increased so he should buck up too and he should be doing more things independently as this is the chance to learn. If the child is helped, counselled and guided things will work out better.

 

A few other  parents  will keep neglecting the child’s education till he reaches class 6 and they see that the child is failing in many subjects regularly in school. This is because the child has not taught things as it has to be done since childhood. So there is no foundation for education and the starts stumbling due to this. Then these parents run in desperation to the best tutors possible for additional and would want to pay good money and expect instant results for their child. This is easier said than don as the child needs time to understand the concepts and lots of time has been wasted in previous years due to neglect. They now pressurize the tutors to do a good job as they are paying well. The parents fail to realize that teaching or imparting education is not the same as withdrawing cash from an ATM which can be done in a jiffy.

 

Once the child finishes classes 10 many parents have this fancy. They would want their child to be either an engineer or a doctor. They do this as if other professions are useless and the child will have no worth if he does not go to these fields. The reason is that they can tell their son is an engineer or a doctor and they feel that their status in society will improve. While both these subjects are very good these parents are not telling the child to study the subject for that reason but for the purpose of using the child to reach up the so called ladder in society. They are least bothered whether the child is interested in those subjects or not. And for this they spend lakhs and even crores of rupees for donation. Then they pressurize the child to score well which the child find it difficult and this results in unfortunate and unforeseen consequences for the family. Which they keep regretting all through their life.

 

The other place at which parents have high expectations from their children is when it comes to the child’s marriage which they have to perform. Such parents are least bothered whether the child likes the bride or not or vice versa. Their happiness lies in the fact that they feel in their opinion. They have found the best bride in town for their child. They fail to understand that their child has now grown up and can make his or her own decisions about whom to marry and whom not to. While they do it they never care to ask them about their preference likes or dislikes. Or whether they have anyone else in their mind. This proves costly for the marriage and the couple.

 

While there are some parents who are exception to the above rule, majority of them are as mentioned above. While parents mean well for their child it is better if they also ask the child his or her options before deciding anything for them. If they help the child take decisions, the child will grow into a strong personality and will be successful in different spheres of life which every parent would certainly want.

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Why children thinks that parents are useless
March 10, 2017
2

I know a old man who is 70 years old.He is my neighbour.before few days back in have seen a painful incident.
That old man was ill ,his 40 years old son was taking him to doctor on his bike.Old man asked him for taxi.But son scolded him infront of all neighbours.I wish i could slap to his son.I don’t why kids thinks that they can do any thing to thier parents because they are old.They can’t do anything now.

If parents attain old age, please do not repulse them or look at them as a burden,speak to them a gracious word, be cool with them,be obedient, be humble and kind to them. We considerate to parents.

A man’s life is normally divided into five stages namely infancy, secind is childhood,third is adolescence,and adulthood and old age. In the each of these stages an individual’s finds himself in different situations and faces different problems. Old age is viewed as unavoidable, undesirable problem ridden phase of life. Problems of aging usually appear after the age of 65 years.

At this age they need us.Because our parents give birth to us.They go through all the torture we give them at our infancy, most of time losing their sleep.
They take pains to join us in a good school, pay our school fees for so many years.
They take care of ourstay, and food, and books, extra curricular skills and other vital expenditure for the so many years.
They rush us to a doctor and give the best medical attention you are young.

They buy so many toys for us.
They keep house and our room clean so that we can sleep well at nights.
They pay for our college education and pay all our transportation hostel misc expenditure during our college education.
They spend so much money, much efforts, much time, and energy and sacrifice so many things in their life for us.

What do you give them back?

Send them out of the house, Make them live alone and Ignore them, when they are old and need little amount of help from us?

What all excuses do you give for doing that?

I am daughter.Only sons are supposed to take care of their parents.
And i am the younger son, only elder sons are supposed to take care of their parents.
And I may be the elder, but they were so close to younger son all these years.
And I am in some foreign country or I am too busy to come to India and take them to that foreign country.
And they like to be independent. They do not want us to disturb them!
Oh, they like to be in India. They do not like it here. They only come for baby sitting. They like their grand kids so much, you know

And also my husband is so much against keeping my parents in house.
And my wife is so much against keeping my parents in the house.
we all know how to control our kids so much that they do not do the same thing to us.
And most worst excuse is do you know? Our parents also ignored their parents when they were old and Why should not we follow their footsteps?
Yes Did we ask them to give birth to us? They brought us in the world, so hence it was their duty to bring us up. We do not have to show that courtesy back.

From today please say this aloud, “I want to see my parents always happy forever. Because They have cared for me ever since I was little child. They have always showered their selfless love on me..

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