I think that it is absolutely crazy how we are ” surronded by love” by yet we still feel alone. The last couple of days have really been depressing. I feel like no appreiates me. I don’t want people constantly praising me, but just some acknowledgement of my existance would be ok. It just hit me last night that only one person in my life actualy talks to me without wanting anything from me. No one calls to check up on me and the only time I hear from people is when they need something. The crazy thing is people call and ask for money when they know that my husband is the only person working and we are raising 4 kids. Just because we manage to survive from his check alone doesn’t mean that we can pay our bills and rent and feed our kids and take care of other people’s bills too. In what world does that even make sense? Then there’s people who feel like just because I am a stay at home mom that I have nothing else to do but sit at home watching tv eat ding dongs. I wish! I do have times and days where I can just relax but they are far and between and trust when I do get those times and days I need every minute of it for my own sanity. A part of me just wants to turn my phone off but I feel like the day or second I do a really important call may come through. So for the last few days I have been screening calls and not returning calls, I feel like if it’s important they’ll leave a voicemail or text.
Then there’s still that part of me that feels bad about how I feel. I am blessed and I thank God everyday for providing me and my family with everything that we have. We aren’t struggling and I want to be there for people, but I don’t want that to be the only reason people talk or assoicate with me. Is it really too much to ask for a call of how I’m doing, if I need anything today, have I eaten today ( because most days I’m so busy I forget to eat; then it’s always dinner time before I even realize that I hadn’t eaten anything that day). Is it too much for someone to call me and as”Do you wanna go grab lunch or get a drink, it’s me?” I’ve done that before with just about everyone that I call a friend, but I have not gotten anything in return, especially on really overwhelming days.
Look I realize that everyone has a life and things that they need to accomplish and they can’t spend every waking moment wondering or worrying about me because they have their own things to worry about, but why is it so hard to pick up the phone at least once a month or every other week shoot a text, Facebook message, snap chat message etc. That’s something everyone takes time out of their day to do anyways. Does anyone else feel like this?