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How do I avoid cellulite? Disinterested Advice, and Beware of Tricksters!

The subject is treated axiomatically! I know that my method goes beyond your comprehension, but a new reality is within your grasp, and I showed a lot of sympathy towards you, because your inexperience deserves understanding.

As is widely known, cellulite creates annoying blemishes on the body, making the skin crisp and ugly. It’s also known that the main causes of cellulite are closely related to several factors, but essentially both to a wrong lifestyle, and the absence of adequate physical exercises:

The First Axioms:

  1. a) It’s scientifically proven that cellulite primarily affects women, especially overweight women.
  2. b) Women with an ideal body weight are definitely less prone to this unsightly blemish.
  3. c) So, every woman should answer a query:

“How do I avoid cellulite?”

Super anti-cellulite axioms:

  1. a) Avoid eating foods with a high fat content, and, above all, do not introduce foods rich in sugar especially at dinner, because at night, with the rest, it is literally impossible to dispose of them. This axiom should be absolutely true if, and only if, fat can be a real danger to your skin, but, from all accounts, there are discordant opinions on this matter. So, the best thing to do is to do nothing. Eat, drink and be merry (for tomorrow we die).
  2. b) Public opinion is against excessive use of additives in food, because they promote the formation of cellulite. Never mind.  We explore the mysteries of nature. In the meantime you start eating. If you see a cake, you polish it off, and I hope everything will end well.
  3. c) Eat natural foods, and do not forget to drink plenty of water, at least twenty-thirty glasses a day. This will encourage the elimination of toxins from your body, but pay heed to me: don’t drown in an inch of water.
  4. d) I’ll spare you the details and come to the point. One day I’ll tell you everything. In the meantime, do not abuse coffee, alcohol and smoke in moderation. What is it for? It’s useless for skin diseases, but at least I save yours skin. Don’t you think I’m right? Surrender! Coffee, alcohol and smoke are substances that operate a slowing of blood flow, with the consequent retention of toxins that must be eliminated as much as possible from your body. I think I’ve read this news somewhere else, but what concerns me most is my (pardon, your) health.

Ideal techniques and new Axioms

1)      Instead of eating a lot during main meals get used to make snacks during the day, so as to arrive at the table a bit satiated. Leave the table with a string of hunger. Then, under cover of night, you can decide to storm your refrigerated ship.  This not saves you from cellulite, but it will calm your nerves.

2) Our modern diet lacks fibre. There is something in this story. Something is better than nothing. And so, eat fruit and drink fruit juices, because they are both an inexhaustible source of fiber and have an extra something. But this is just idle chitchat, and your effort will be useless: give up! But there is no need to lose hearth: as long as there’s life, there’s cellulite.

3) Exercise is certainly another key element in the prevention of cellulite, which is basically the result of excess fat that accumulate in your body. Of course, this is a colossal lie, but I’ve got to live and to pocket the money.


But cut the cackle! Burn excess fat should be your categorical imperative!

What exercises do?

And what do I know about it? But I need money, will you give me some? Okay. Listen to me carefully! First of all, be regular in the physical exercises and then try to run them every day. In any case, do the best you can, it’s all the same anyway.

If you are not athletes (I already know everything), avoid overexertion and give yourself to exercise simple but very effective, especially if repeated regularly. In any case, do as you please. Don’t forget to use top cellulite cream which can be your safeguard against cellulite (my own online store sells at rock-bottom). The remedy is worse than the disease, but don’t forget that after a race there’s nothing better than a shower. This has got nothing to do with it, but, anyway, you will be left empty-handed. That’s the truth of the matter.

That’s my advice but do as you like. Don’t forget to bring me the money, and take the rind off the salami because it is all a matter of skin (and money).

See you soon!


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    1. What is the layman’s parlance of cellulite? Is it a dry skin? Or whatever? This is a bit very informative on how to handle or treat this so-called cellulite. Actually I don’t understand why cellulite makes our skin ugly. I see skin looks ugly when it is wrinkled and looks like a crumpled one.

      Women are more aware of this kind of skin disorder than the men. They are so sensitive in maintaining their beauty especially their skin. They don’t want to look ugly because of their poor skin or they have this cellulite. They are always on the alert to get a remedy for it. I know they are knowledgeable about this one.


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