Why it is so hard to be parents? Of course, not all people would agree, some are really great parents, but I see a lot who looks like they are not born to be a parents. If we compare to the old days, we will see that the situation of modern parents is even amazing. We have diapers, washing machines; we have ready-made baby food, just open and feed kids.
We have a myriad of ways to engage a child – a variety of toys, some kind of equipment that the child is no longer worn on the hands, comfortable carriages, and baby carriers. Everything is made in order to raise children would be comfortable. There are classes for parents, books, everything is described in details – how and what to do. It would seem – just educate and wish for more children.
But absolutely typical situation where any young mother, sitting in the apartment with domestic appliances, lots of clothes, food and toys, at the moment when the man returns from work, feels like a workhorse, which cannot do anything and is absolutely exhausted, tired and helpless. It would seem, she was sitting at home, did nothing special. So, where from is her feeling?
One reason for this, how it would not seem strange is urbanization. In other words, it is life in big cities. The massive move to the cities began 200 years ago and continues. Urbanization is always accompanied by such phenomena as the demographic break down. Family’s structure changes. Rural family is almost always large family. Cities family – in all countries, all cultures, almost without exception, unless rejecting some religious situations, moving to a model where is an average of two children.
This refers, of course, to the fact that to raise a child in the city is much more difficult than in the countryside. Rural people work is not separated from the main life. And the children of the village start to work with parents at very early age; they are doing something useful at home or in the field. And most importantly, they do not require special care. They can practically all the time to be close to their parents, who do not need to break their core business for to care about the child. Parents can continue to care for animals, work in the garden, and the children are somewhere near them. Children in rural family are more the plus, additional working hands, than the problem. And because of children you do not need to radically change the way of life.
Situation in the city is changing. Having a child in the city means to supervise him, to engage with him. If you have children in the city, one of family member will have to completely change his lifestyle: either to leave a job, change your routine and engage the child or hire a babysitter. The child cannot somewhere near you to engage in his own affairs and play when you are working in the office, bank, shop or somewhere else.
Mother no longer be working family member, her career breaks, hence this not encourage to have children. Woman experiencing strong stress, since with the child, she has radically change her lifestyle. If we look at the woman in rural culture, the birth of a child there nothing changes. Communication, social circle, spending time practically unchanged. If we look at the modern city woman – successful, educated, then after getting child, her life changed completely. If you previously have been working, some sort of tasks, projects, purposeful and attractive life, socializing with friends, cultured leisure, with the birth of a child, the woman suddenly gets from all that isolated, locked between four walls, doomed for easy, but very repetitive work: changing diapers, feeding, etc.
This sudden change of lifestyle in itself is a stress factor, even if a woman loves a child, even if she feels the pleasure of supervision. We know that any change in life, even if it is positive, even if you have long dreamed of it – its stress. Thus, the risk of emotional exhaustion increases.
The more life was active, the more interesting, the higher and the stress. Maybe to change the tedious sitting at office to the child care, will not be so critical. And if you had creative work, live communication with people, then to live between four walls – it’s probably the strongest stress, regardless of any love for the child and maternal feelings. Soon the mother gets boredom, will be overwhelmed by the desire to come back to life, but a child is not ready still to stay without mother.
Another thing that begins with stress to the mother is that modern women have very little experience in communicating with children. In rural areas are large families, people closely interacting with neighbors. While communicating circle in the cities may be sufficiently narrow. People are closed in their shells living in urban areas. Apart colleagues at work, we can survive for weeks, saying anything to anyone, even without saying “hi” to our neighbors, without exchanging a few words.
In rural areas, it is impossible as everywhere you meet people that you know. Kids are playing together, their age is very diverse, they go from yard to yard, all are mixed, and children from different families interact with each other. Girls have gained immense experience in communication with children – in different situations, with different characters, different ages. This experience is accumulated before young woman give a birth to her own child.
In the urban culture, if a woman herself was the only child in the family, she is faced with a typical situation, when she gave birth at the age of 30 years and her child is generally the first baby in her life, which she took in her arms. Accordingly, her helplessness, confusion and losing herself increases hundredfold.
In short, there are a lot of purely objective factors relating to the conditions under which we live, with a civilization – and this in itself constitutes a sufficiently strong stress for parents.
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