Available Balance
A Letter To A Loved One

My dear sweetheart,

How long it has been! And how long have you been away from our home, and particularly away from me! It feels as if it has been ages. This long wait is disheartening at times.

You know, the leaves of the maples, that you had planted so lovingly around the spring of the yesteryears, have now turned yellow and red. Even they long to see you that they have shed their leaves in a hope to see you soon.

And the hummingbirds that dwelt around the hibiscuses, and that you and I used to watch sometimes during our free time, have now found another dwelling. They come here no more, which is really saddening.

And the pond lilies that were at the back of our home, and that were so beautiful to watch all day long, have now withered with the seasons. I do not know why they have withered all of a sudden.

And the grapevines that covered the porch, and whose fruits we used to pick together during the autumn, have all dried up. How will I pick the grapes now, that you liked to relish?

You know, the rains have come and gone many times, but hardly there have been any sight of a rainbow these days. You used to paint them on a canvas as a hobby whenever they appeared. And even when they did not appear, you captured the rains with your paints upon your canvases. I am sure that even these rains are missing your paintings that they are coming each day, if only for a brief moment, so you would paint them once again.

The seasons are changing swiftly it seems, but the wait has remained the same. Seeing all this, I feel very lonely now. Oh, how I miss you during these times!

Even though Grumpy is with me, I feel very lonely. Oh yes, your Grumpy-boy has been missing you as well. He keeps a keen watch at the gates that you may come and pet him like you always do. But every now and then he feels disappointed when the gates open and he cannot find you. He sees the milkman daily but not his master. I take him out for walks everyday so that I can comfort him during his lonely hours, and even pet him whenever I can, but he seems to love your petting more. I know exactly how he feels because that is what I am feeling right now.

Would you come home soon – if not for me, then for Grumpy? And for your maples that eagerly await you? And for the hummingbirds who might return after your arrival? And for the pond lilies that might bloom up again? And for the grapevines that might rise once more, and bear the grapes that you have always loved to eat? And for the rains that come searching for you and the rainbows that might form once you return? And for all those seasons when I have missed you? Would you come home soon?

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Those Times When I Sit And Think

woman-thinking-300x218There have been times when I have felt this sudden urge to disseminate the fragments of my soul throughout the world and beyond. The need to see through my soul if not through my eyes grows profound each time when I contemplate about it more and more. It has left me thinking of those times when I was confined within the walls of my little world. The world where only basicity could have possibly survived. The world where freedom to such ideas as creativity was never voiced. This ‘mundane’ world with its ‘mundane’ routine never did let the wings of my aspirations spread, but cut them so they could never scale the horizons. This emptiness, where falling of even a single drop of tear could be heard, engorged every bit of my soul. This darkness, where even a hope of light was futile, engulfed the light of my soul. This misery, which kept on tormenting me (and still torments me), shattered every bit of me that I may not gather myself again.

How tormenting has all this become, I keep on thinking. How my naive soul has fallen a victim of such a circumstance, I keep on thinking. How can I gather the fragments of my soul again so that it may not lose itself to this vicious world once again, I keep on thinking.

Where to begin and when to begin, I question myself all the time. I know that it would take a thousand of myself to rise at all, and perhaps even a million to emerge victorious. But I would not let these numbers thwart me. I would not accept defeat even when I know the chances of my winning are almost negligible. I would not let my courage fail, my hope disappear, my will sway, and my soul lose in this war between good and evil.

I will feed the resistance with the power of my will. I will even challenge the challenges that may crop up while walking on this harsh path. And I will certainly not accept defeat even when the chances of my winning fall beyond negligible, because all this is not a mere game of numbers but a test of human hope that sees beyond unseen and fetches beyond farfetched.

To say only hope would suffice is futile. Courage and willpower go hand in hand with hope, and even arm in arm when the time comes, and shoulder to shoulder and neck to neck also in that same time. It is with this combined power that I shall rise again and win. And even if I’m defeated then I will rise yet again and strive, and continue to do so till I see the fruits of my labour. The fruits which a hungry soul enthusiastically longs for to ripe that it may feed its hunger but which also satisfy its hunger that it will feel hungry no more. Such are the fruits of one’s labour and I will definitely reap such fruits, that’s what I keep on thinking now.

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A Woman’s Short Account Of Her Life: Now And Then

IMG_20161224_201106Life is a drastic change – from a simplified form to a complex one. I don’t know myself how I have gone through the ages of life. I sometimes think that yesterday I was just a little girl, without the knowledge of how the world actually worked and how I was supposed to contribute in it. But today l am a ‘full-fledged’ lady, who has to bear responsibility for the better future of the whole family, which looks upon me with eager eyes as I am the only breadwinner in it. I often question myself about how I will be able to bear the responsibility, after all, I had a carefree life till now. Whether my work will bring success or not still confuses and worries me, as success has become such an important thing in this life that anything that seems to deviate from it becomes a nuisance in our eyes instantaneously and so unworthy of our precious time.

I miss my carefree childhood. I really do. I simply long for it like a desert that longs for rain, or a tired walker that longs for rest. I was a free bird of space, not confined to the worldly affairs, nor caged to the confines of its nest, nor being sought to be caged and sold, unlikely to be hunted for spreading its wings or singing upon the skies. I could have fetched food whenever I felt hungry. I could have quenched my thirst if I felt like it. There were no seasons that would have made me feel uneasy that I might not see the cherry blossoms and sing upon the branches which I liked to do earnestly. Nor there were any reasons to feel as such.

How drastic a change this carefree life might undergo, I was simply unaware of it. There I said it.

People have always had huge expectations from me. But I wasn’t ready to lift this burden of so-called expectations (nor I am ready now). Nevertheless they kept on burdening me, while I heaved not a breath. It wasn’t that I was out of breath but that I was carefree. Or, perhaps, I overlooked it, or tried to make it look like I overlooked it and succeeded in it. I still try it but fail terribly while doing so. The scenario has changed a bit. A lot, if you will. Now is not the time to be overlooking things and letting them slip from my hands, nor I can afford it to happen so.

When I look at everything from where I stand now, it appears as though this life is a bit unfair. It might not have been the case with my childhood, however. But it seems unfair now. After all I have been put through, should I continue to live on as it is, or should I fetch my childhood and so return to it when I find it. I don’t even know if I have it in me anymore. Where is my life and where is my childhood, I continue to think.

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To know oneself is to know everything

know_yourself_logo220px-Aristotle_Altemps_Inv8575No matter how many times I have heard or read, “Knowledge is power,” I cannot simply agree upon the dogma that dictates learning outside of oneself. To me true learning is knowing all about oneself. Aristotle had agreed that knowing oneself is far more important than knowing about the world. He had advised his pupils to know themselves, hence his quote, “Know thyself.” He said that knowing oneself is the beginning of all kinds of learning, and this knowledge is rarely found in books.

What is knowledge?

Knowledge is the acquisition of reasoning, and application of such reasoning. It is based upon keen observations. And such observations can only be made by a sound mind devoid of any kind of prejudices.

How is knowledge connected with endeavor?

Endeavor towards a greater goal requires great motivation and learning. This is to know our limits and how to surpass them. How to access the hidden corners of our consciousness that contain the power to dictate our success or failure? How to access that unlimited knowledge that is hidden inside our minds? How to use that knowledge to fruition of a particular purpose? to achieve new heights? to reach new realms? to understand ourselves better? and in doing so, to understand the world around us?

When we fail to understand ourselves, it becomes very difficult to understand the world around us. Even the world is a greater reflection of ourselves. What we are bound to see here is what we want to see in ourselves, or what we have already seen in ourselves. “To the pure, everything is pure. To the good, everything is good. To the miserable, this world is filled with miseries.” And likewise, to the one, who has acquired the knowledge of oneself, it becomes easier to understand how the world around them works.

Why knowing oneself is important?

To understand our limits. To comprehend that it is in human nature to succumb to weaknesses without proper knowledge or learning, but it is also in this human nature to endeavor and emerge victorious over such weaknesses. To make ourselves better from whom we were yesterday. To understand the philosophy that says that human beings are bound to make mistakes, and in doing so overcome our weaknesses.

How weaknesses can be won?

It is said that weaknesses can be won only if we are ready to appreciate and accept our limits, and so work towards knowing more of ourselves and shaping us to awaken the dormant forces that reside deep within each of us.

What is the meaning behind knowing oneself and how can it be achieved?

Many times in our lives we have had this feeling of powerlessness that stops us from trying any more. What could be the reason behind such feeling? Could it be that we are indeed powerless when it comes to endeavoring beyond our limits, or, because we have not yet understood the true purpose that our victory would have served, that we do fail to recognize the bounds that were needed to be broken but that weren’t owing to our little knowledge. Here knowledge or knowing is not what we could have achieved from reading a few books or through training but what we have perhaps overlooked when endeavoring, that is, knowing the bounds, measuring them, planning to outreach them, and to actually outreach them.

To better understand ourselves we have to appreciate who we are as each of us is different from one another; and it is in this difference that this world is beautiful and appreciable as lack of variety brings about a very little appreciation or no appreciation. So to truly know the world we have to know ourselves, and to know ourselves we have to appreciate ourselves and endeavor to bring about the best out of us every time.

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